Dive in and explore how you might talk to a man who is withdrawn and obsessing

Support a man who is withdrawn and obsessing

He’s withdrawn and obsessing

It’s almost midday. Time to get out of bed and get on the beers!

Avoid being judgemental. Try to open up the conversation.

Demonstrating that you care by asking how they are can help create an open conversation.

Hey man. That doesn’t sound like you. Is everything ok?

Just hardly any reason to get out of bed these days.

<div>Asking observational questions demonstrates that you’re paying attention.<ul><li>I’ve noticed you’ve seemed pretty down lately. What’s going on?</li><li>Seems like you're not getting out much. Are you OK?</li></ul></div>

You don't seem like yourself. What’s going on?

Avoid jumping to solutions. Ask questions to open up the conversation.

I hear you. But maybe you should try and find a routine.

Joking around is often an easy way to dodge asking questions.

I keep watching the news. The world’s so messed up.

Maybe avoid fueling your friend's dramatic thoughts while they're struggling.

You got that right. It’s a dumpster fire.

Try not to quickly dismiss the conversation. Ask questions to help them open up.

Just switch off the news. Don’t worry about it.

Asking open questions is a great approach.

There’s a lot going on that’s for sure. What are your days looking like?

Sleep, drink, doomscroll, repeat. Man, I've been thinking about things a lot.

My studies don't seem to make a lot of sense anymore. Who knows what's coming next!?

Try not to jump to solutions. Stick with offering support.

Don’t be dismissive. Your friend needs support.

Dude. Take a break from the questions. You’re so wound up in it.

Encouraging action to reach out to a broader support network is a great first step.

Seems like it's really getting to you. Have you talked to anyone else about all this?

Professional support is a great idea. But don’t prescribe treatment.

Encourage friends to take action and reach out for professional support when they need it.

Yeah. Like a therapist. I think everyone needs support right now.

<div>Listen with an open mind while encouraging action.</div>

No pressure. I find my therapist really helpful but there's plenty of other people you could talk to.

Don't be pushy. This may require a delicate touch.

C'mon. Therapists are great. It'd totally work for you.

Don't let him get away with avoiding action so easily.

That's good to hear. Now go forth and be merry.

Maintaining your privacy is perfectly reasonable. But revealing your own struggles may help your friend open up.

Yeah, I am. There's just some private stuff I like to get off my chest.

Revealing your own struggles may help your friend open up and encourage them to take action themselves.

I’ve definitely had my own struggles recently. They've been really helpful.

Your friend may need this kind of push. But they also might appreciate some practical guidance.

Nah man. They're really helpful. Just book it! Now’s the time.

Encouraging action and offering practical guidance in finding professional help can make a big difference.

Nah, they're really great. I think you’d like them. I could give you the number if you'd like?

Don’t mother him. Be kind and set up a check-in.

You’re not the oracle of knowledge. Be kind, patient and set up a check-in.

Check in and offer ongoing support so he can be reassured that he’s not alone and can rely on your support and encouragement.

Let’s have a video call tomorrow. It'd be great to see you.

<ul><li>Ask observational questions.</li><li>Listen without judgement or solutions.</li><li>Encourage action such as seeking professional help.</li><li>Check in based on genuine care.</li></ul>

Watch out for friends that may be misusing drugs or alcohol. Watch for men who may be withdrawing from social contact or displaying escalating, obsessive, angry or irritable behaviour. Listen and connect from a place of friendship and care.

Jump in and find out how to talk to a man who is juggling work and family 

Support a man who is juggling work and family

He's Juggling Work & Family

You hear this from a friend who’s struggling juggling work & family:

I’m so busy with work. But I need to get them away from screens for a while.

Try not to judge or impose your own values. Help your friend open up.

Good plan. Your family is more important than work.

Asking open questions and sharing your own struggles is a great way to open up conversation.

Yeah. My youngest is glued to my phone way too often. How are you going juggling everything?

Try not to impose your own ideas. Help your friend open up.

Just concentrate on your work. The kids can take care of themselves.

Actually, now is not a great time. I need to get back to it.

Don't walk away so easily. Tune in to what your friend is saying and make another plan.

Don’t let me distract you. I’ll leave you to it.

Try to avoid vague promises of future connection.

Making sure you set an appropriate, specific time to check in is a great place to start.

All good. Let’s catch up tomorrow. What time is good?

It’s nice to take a break from everything.

I haven’t got a lot of time, though. Really worried about the kids.

Try not to be dismissive of your friends’ feelings. Aim to open up the conversation rather than shutting it down.

You worry too much. I’m sure they’re ok.

Ask open questions to help your friend open up and share what’s bothering them.

Don’t be dismissive. Pay attention and mirror what they’re saying back to them.

Kids are tough. They’ll survive. Let’s talk about you.

They’re just spending a lot of time inside and it’s all screen time.

I feel like I should be spending more time with them.

Demonstrating that you're listening and asking questions will help develop the conversation.

So you think they need less screen time more dad time?

This is actually kind of nice. But let's ask some deeper questions.

Don’t shut them down. Ask questions.

I’m sure they’re fine. They can entertain themselves.

But I’m already falling behind with work. I’m not doing anything well right now.

Don’t be prescriptive. Encourage them to find their own solution.

Encourage him to think creatively about how to improve the situation.

Sounds tough. Are there any changes you could make?

Don’t give them orders. Encourage them to find their own solution.

You need to slow down and take a breather!

Encourage action without being overly prescriptive.

You should tell your boss you need to cut back to spend more time with your family.

Offer practical support while encouraging them to take action and come up with their own solution.

Like seeing if your work can offer you more support. Maybe there's room for some flexibility?

That’s a big ask but I suppose I could look into it.

It’s helpful to reflect on your own experiences to encourage vulnerability while encouraging action.

It wouldn’t hurt. I’m still trying to get the whole work life balance thing right too.

<div>Don’t get pushy. A witty catch phrase could easily feel dismissive.</div>

Less talk, more action. Modern problems require modern solutions!

Things were going well. Don’t get pushy and overwhelm this guy.

Get on it! There's plenty of opportunities to change things up.

Yeah. I guess I have to accept something’s got to give.

A lovely sentiment. But let’s set up a check in.

This is a good first step in setting up a check in.

Definitely. We should keep in touch. Maybe we could have a weekly catch-up?

Very poetic. But you are not the guru. Stick with being a friend.

Sounds like my work here is done. The answers were inside you along.

Avoid making vague plans for future connection.

Don't leave the conversation without specific intentions for a future check in.

Try to make specific plans when setting up future check ins.

<ul><li>Ask questions at an appropriate time.</li><li>Listen and reflect his thoughts back to him.</li><li>Encourage a problem-solving attitude.</li><li>Check in on a regular basis.</li></ul>

Look out for men who are struggling or having difficulty juggling family and work-life. Commit to offering a supportive, listening ear.

 Practice how you might talk to a man who is unemployed and uncertain

Support a man who is unemployed and uncertain

He's Unemployed & Uncertain

I have no idea how I’m going to find a job at this point.

Acknowledging what they've shared and being honest and vulnerable about your own struggles can help open up the conversation. Asking open questions will help too.

That sounds really tough. The uncertainty is getting to me as well. How are you holding up?

Try not to jump to solutions. Consider sharing your own struggles instead.

Maybe you should think about all the creative stuff you can get done!

Have you seen if there are any jobs available? Maybe a side hustle?

Yeah, I don’t really know what I’m supposed to do.

It’s my problem though. I’ll be all right.

<div>Always ask open-ended questions that can't be answered with a simple yes or no.<ul><li>How are you doing?</li><li>What’s on your mind?</li><li>What’s been happening?</li></ul></div>

No doubt you'll be right. But how are you holding up?

Try not to jump to solutions. Focus on getting your friend to open up.

Try not to delay or dodge the conversation. Perhaps you can help your friend open up right now.

I’m all right. It all feels kind of pointless these days.

But I’m not going to bore you with a sob story.

Try not to quickly dismiss the conversation. Ask questions to help them open up.

<div>When listening, ask clarifying questions to make sure you understand what is being said.<ul><li>What do you mean by...?</li><li>Can you tell me a bit more about...?</li><li>Are you saying...?</li></ul></div>

Yeah. Best not to dwell on these things too much.

I just haven’t got a lot to do, so I’m spending all of my time online.

I feel like I’m not really achieving anything.

Making broad comments steers the conversation away from their personal struggles.

There's a lot to keep everyone entertained online these days.

Encouraging a friend to take action and reach out to other friends and family will help them develop a wider support network.

Have you spoken to anyone else about how you're feeling?

Not really. I don’t really want to bother anyone.

Everyone is busy with their own stuff. They don’t want me adding to it.

Don’t let the broader story get in the way of more personal struggles.

Absolutely. Everyone has their own shit to deal with. It never ends!

You're encouraging the action of reaching out while demonstrating some of your own vulnerability.

You're right. But people do care and would want you to reach out. Now is a great time to reach out to people. It's been really helpful for me.

Don’t be dismissive or jump to solutions. Look for ways to offer continued support.

Yeah, maybe it's a better time to learn to enjoy your own company.

Encourage them without hounding them. Offer ongoing support.

Always arrange a future check in at a specified time.

Let's talk again in a couple of days. What time works?

Try to avoid vague promises of further connection.

Good to hear from you. I hope we can chat again sometime.

Try and be specific and intentional about checking in.

Can we book something in for Thursday afternoon?

Try to avoid leaving things with vague plans.

Umm... not sure what I'm doing that day. Let's see how it turns out.

Don't let them get away with vague plans so easily.

Always try to make definite, specific check in plans.

Yeah, I've got some things going on too. I think setting a time will help.

<ul><li>Ask open-ended questions.</li><li>Listen and use clarifying questions.</li><li>Encourage action such as seeking support from family and friends.</li><li>Check in at a specified time.</li></ul>

Think about friends that may be struggling to find work or experiencing financial difficulties. Make an effort to check in and have a genuine, supportive and open conversation.

Have a go at supporting a man who is struggling with getting older

Support a man who is struggling with getting older

He's Getting Older

Joking around or being dismissive of, or minimizing, a man’s struggles may cut the conversation short.

Oh come on it’s not that bad, ya old geezer. Ha ha.

Being dismissive of, or generalizing, a man's struggles may invalidate the man and cut the conversation short.

<div>Asking open questions like these are a great way to initiate a deeper conversation.<ul><li>How are you feeling today?</li><li>What’s on your mind? </li></ul></div>

Eh, I was just trying to get the front gate fixed.

Racing to solutions prevents us from engaging more deeply with this man's struggles. Being dismissive of a man’s struggles may invalidate the man and cut the conversation short.

You aren’t a spring chicken anymore. Gotta take it easy.

Racing to solutions prevents us from engaging more deeply with this man's struggles.

Acknowledging how a man is feeling and asking deeper questions may help him explore his feelings.

That’s gotta suck. It sounds like it’s really getting to you?

A bit of humour can be welcome. But let's keep helping this man open up.

Listening and normalizing a man's struggles can make him feel safe in opening up and helps validate his feelings.

It makes a lot of sense that you feel this way.

Encouraging a man to come up with his own solutions is a great step in encouraging action.

Any thoughts on how you might deal with it?

Dismissing how a man feels will likely make him shut down and make him feel invalidated.

Well there's no place for regrets in life.

Avoid jumping to solutions. Ask questions to open up the conversation.

What if we got you some help around the house?

I’d sure like to be able to help out around here.

Encouraging action and offering practical support may be essential in helping a man take meaningful action.

Well, maybe we can brainstorm some things together.

He may need some practical support in taking action.

It's not your role to tell him what to do.

Or you could just relax and enjoy retirement.

Be good to make yourself useful, for once.

Listening to his jokes, keeping things light, and having a laugh is a great way to connect.

That’s just about enough out of you! haha.

He's having some fun. He doesn't have to take this all seriously. Don't be quick to take offence.

He’s only joking. Your support shouldn't be loaded with expectations.

Hey, don’t go thanking me for my help or anything. 

Always follow-up by organizing another check-in.

Thanks, dad. Let’s put aside some time for another chat.

Try to avoid vague promises of future check-ins.

Don’t let him get away before organizing a check-in.

Always try and be specific with future check-in times.

Vague plans for future connection can easily lead nowhere.

Assume and appreciate the fact that your support is welcome. Make a specific plan for a future check-in.

I wouldn’t want to overwhelm your diary.

<ul><li>Ask open questions to help a man open up</li><li>Listen by validating and normalizing a man's emotions</li><li>Encourage action through promoting and supporting their own ideas</li><li>Check in by making specific and definite plans to catch up</li></ul>

Look out for men who are struggling with getting older or physical ability. Reach out with empathy and care, looking for ways to support their journey through genuine connection.

Use the ALEC skills to respond: