New convo for testing 

He's Down and irritable

cms pub test: You’re at home and hear this from your partner, who’s been down and irritable:

I’m wrecked. I cancelled our dinner plans tonight. I can’t be bothered doing anything.

Nice try, but… Avoid blaming him or making him feel guilty. Instead, focus on the struggles he might be facing.

I wish you hadn’t! We always have a good time with our friends.

Slow down there, cowboy! By jumping to solutions, you risk shutting down the conversation.

Good move! I can’t be bothered talking with anyone either.

Jump in and find out how to talk to a man who is juggling work and family. 

Support a man who is juggling work and family

He's Juggling Work & Family

You hear this from a friend who's struggling juggling work & family:

I’m so busy with work. But I need to get them away from screens for a while.

Try not to judge or impose your own values. Help your friend open up.

Good plan. Your family is more important than work.

Asking open questions and sharing your own struggles is a great way to open up conversation.

Yeah. My youngest is glued to my phone way too often. How are you going juggling everything?

Try not to impose your own ideas. Help your friend open up.

Just concentrate on your work. The kids can take care of themselves.

Actually, now is not a great time. I need to get back to it.

Don't walk away so easily. Tune in to what your friend is saying and make another plan.

Don’t let me distract you. I’ll leave you to it.

Try to avoid vague promises of future connection.

Making sure you set an appropriate, specific time to check in is a great place to start.

All good. Let’s catch up tomorrow. What time is good?

It’s nice to take a break from everything.

I haven’t got a lot of time, though. Really worried about the kids.

Try not to be dismissive of your friends’ feelings. Aim to open up the conversation rather than shutting it down.

You worry too much. I’m sure they’re ok.

Ask open question questions to help your friend open up and share what’s bothering them.

Don’t be dismissive. Pay attention and mirror what they’re saying back to them.

Kids are tough. They’ll survive. Let’s talk about you.

They’re just spending a lot of time inside and it’s all screen time.

I feel like I should be spending more time with them.

Demonstrating that you're listening and asking questions will help develop the conversation.

So you think they need less screen time more dad time?

This is actually kind of nice. But let's ask some deeper questions.

Don’t shut them down. Ask questions.

I’m sure they’re fine. They can entertain themselves.

But I’m already falling behind with work. I’m not doing anything well right now.

Don’t be prescriptive. Encourage them to find their own solution.

Encourage him to think creatively about how to improve the situation.

Sounds tough. Are there any changes you could make?

Don’t give them orders. Encourage them to find their own solution.

You need to slow down and take a breather!

Encourage action without being overly prescriptive.

You should tell your boss you need to cut back to spend more time with your family.

Offer practical support while encouraging them to take action and come up with their own solution.

Like seeing if your work can offer you more support. Maybe there's room for some flexibility?

That’s a big ask but I suppose I could look into it.

It’s helpful to reflect on your own experiences to encourage vulnerability while encouraging action.

It wouldn’t hurt. I’m still trying to get the whole work life balance thing right too.

<div>Don’t get pushy. A witty catch phrase could easily feel dismissive.</div>

Less talk, more action. Modern problems require modern solutions!

Things were going well. Don’t get pushy and overwhelm this guy.

Get on it! There's plenty of opportunities to change things up.

Yeah. I guess I have to accept something’s got to give.

A lovely sentiment. But let’s set up a check-in.

This is a good first step in setting up a check-in.

Definitely. We should keep in touch. Maybe we could have a weekly catch-up?

Very poetic. But you are not the guru. Stick with being a friend.

Sounds like my work here is done. The answers were inside you along.

Avoid making vague plans for future connection.

Don't leave the conversation without specific intentions for a future check-in.

Try to make specific plans when setting up future check-ins.

<ul><li>Ask questions at an appropriate time.</li><li>Listen and reflect his thoughts back to him.</li><li>Encourage a problem-solving attitude.</li><li>Check in on a regular basis.</li></ul>

Look out for men who are struggling or having difficulty juggling family and work-life. Commit to offering a supportive, listening ear.

Practice talking to a man who is struggling with grief  

You notice 

He's Grieving

I don’t think I can make it out today. Doing node 20 testing. 

<div>Start with an open question when you suspect someone is struggling. These are questions that can't be answered with a yes or no.<ul><li>What’s on your mind?</li><li>What’s your day looking like?</li></ul></div>

Ok no problem. What’s going on over there? 

It’s perfectly understandable to be upset. But now is might be a good moment to lead with empathy rather than frustration.

Yeah, I get it. Life’s busy. I’m a bit pissed though.

<div>It’s good to ask questions, but think about open questions that don’t have a yes or no answer.<ul><li>What’s going on?</li><li>What’s your plan for the day?</li></ul></div>

It’s ok to be disappointed. But now is a good moment to focus on your friend.

It’s not like you to bail on me. I’m disappointed we’re not catching up. 

Asking observational questions without judgment shows that we are paying attention, care, and want to help.

It’s not like you to bail on me. What’s going on man? 

It’s important to acknowledge and respect their feelings. But going deeper might help him open up.

It’s not like you to bail on me. But I get it.

Honestly, it hurts like hell. I’m not doing good.

Sharing your own stories can be helpful. But there may be a more empathetic approach.

Yeah man, I know the feeling. I lost a friend a few years ago.

Listening, demonstrating that you care and being empathetic establishes a relationship that may help your friend open up.

Yeah man. It must be really painful. I’ve been thinking about you.

Racing to solutions or over-simplifying the issue can feel dismissive and unhelpful. He may just want to talk.

Yeah man, but remember that this too shall pass.

If only I’d spent more time with them toward the end.

Rejecting his feelings may make him close down. Try accepting how he feels.

Nah man, you can’t be thinking like that.

Listening, accepting his feelings and reassuring him that it’s normal will allow him to relax and express himself freely.

Yeah. I think it’s pretty normal to feel that way.

Jumping to solutions while ignoring his feelings will likely make him close down.

Keep your head up, man. Life’s too short for regrets.

This is a great step toward encouraging a man to think more productively about how he can take action and broaden his support network.

Have you been able to talk to anyone at all? Do you think you’re getting the support you need?

Poetic refrains won’t help your friend make sense of their struggles.

You’re not alone. You’re never alone.

Try not to lead the conversation into a dead end. Keep asking questions.

It's important to listen and validate a man's feelings with authentic empathy.

I can’t pretend to know how you feel. But I hope you know I’m here for you.

Try not to get defensive. Your friend is feeling alone right now. It's a good opportunity to offer your empathy.

Well, a lot of us have been through our own grief.

Ask open questions and offer help while allowing them to come up with their own solutions.

Broad statements may come across as dismissive or lead the conversation down a dead-end.

These are well meaning words. But they don’t add up to any immediate action. Perhaps we can keep asking questions.

I really mean it though. I am here for you man.

Try not to put the responsibility on a struggling man to reach out. Think about making more specific plans.

That, I can do. Let me know when you’re free.

It's important to make specific plans for the next check-in.

That, I can do. When can we line that up?

Try to avoid vague promises of future connection. Plan a specific check-in.

Always make specific plans at a specific time for the next check-in.

Don't leave the plans in a shaky, uncertain place. Plan something specific.

I’m busy, then. But I'm sure we’ll figure something out.

<ul><li>Ask open questions to help a man open up and encourage open communication.</li><li>Listen with empathy and validate their feelings.</li><li>Encourage action by offering your support and helping the man develop his own solutions.</li><li>Check in by making specific and definite plans to catch up.</li></ul>

Look out for men who are grieving and withdrawing socially. Reach out with empathy and validation. You don’t need to fix anything. Just be a friend.

Dive in and explore how you might talk to a man who is withdrawn and obsessing.

Support a man who is withdrawn and obsessing 

He’s withdrawn and obsessing testing

It’s almost midday. Time to get out of bed and get on the beers! and test

Avoid being judgemental. Try to open up the conversation.

Demonstrating that you care by asking how they are can help create an open conversation.

Hey man. That doesn’t sound like you. Is everything ok?

Just hardly any reason to get out of bed these days.

<div>Asking observational questions demonstrates that you’re paying attention.<ul><li>I’ve noticed you’ve seemed pretty down lately. What’s going on?</li><li>Seems like you're not getting out much. Are you OK?</li></ul></div>

You don't seem like yourself. What’s going on?

Avoid jumping to solutions. Ask questions to open up the conversation.

I hear you. But maybe you should try and find a routine.

Joking around is often an easy way to dodge asking questions.

I keep watching the news. The world’s so messed up.

Maybe avoid fueling your friend's dramatic thoughts while they're struggling.

You got that right. It’s a dumpster fire.

Try not to quickly dismiss the conversation. Ask questions to help them open up.

Just switch off the news. Don’t worry about it.

Asking open questions is a great approach.

There’s a lot going on that’s for sure. What are your days looking like?

Sleep, drink, doomscroll, repeat. Man, I've been thinking about things a lot.

My studies don't seem to make a lot of sense anymore. Who knows what's coming next!?

Try not to jump to solutions. Stick with offering support.

Don’t be dismissive. Your friend needs support.

Dude. Take a break from the questions. You’re so wound up in it.

Encouraging action to reach out to a broader support network is a great first step.

Seems like it's really getting to you. Have you talked to anyone else about all this?

Professional support is a great idea. But don’t prescribe treatment.

Encourage friends to take action and reach out for professional support when they need it.

Yeah. Like a therapist. I think everyone needs support right now.

<div>Listen with an open mind while encouraging action.</div>

No pressure. I find my therapist really helpful but there's plenty of other people you could talk to.

Don't be pushy. This may require a delicate touch.

C'mon. Therapists are great. It'd totally work for you.

Don't let him get away with avoiding action so easily.

That's good to hear. Now go forth and be merry.

Maintaining your privacy is perfectly reasonable. But revealing your own struggles may help your friend open up.

Yeah, I am. There's just some private stuff I like to get off my chest.

Revealing your own struggles may help your friend open up and encourage them to take action themselves.

I’ve definitely had my own struggles recently. They've been really helpful.

Your friend may need this kind of push. But they also might appreciate some practical guidance.

Nah man. They're really helpful. Just book it! Now’s the time.

Encouraging action and offering practical guidance in finding professional help can make a big difference.

Nah, they're really great. I think you’d like them. I could give you the number if you'd like?

Don’t mother him. Be kind and set up a check-in.

You’re not the oracle of knowledge. Be kind, patient and set up a check-in.

Check in and offer ongoing support so he can be reassured that he’s not alone and can rely on your support and encouragement.

Let’s have a video call tomorrow. It'd be great to see you.

<ul><li>Ask observational questions.</li><li>Listen without judgement or solutions.</li><li>Encourage action such as seeking professional help.</li><li>Check in based on genuine care.</li></ul>

Watch out for friends that may be misusing drugs or alcohol. Watch for men who may be withdrawing from social contact or displaying escalating, obsessive, angry or irritable behaviour. Listen and connect from a place of friendship and care.

Have a go at supporting a man who is struggling with getting older  

Support a man who is struggling with getting older

He's Getting Older

Joking around or being dismissive of, or minimizing, a man’s struggles may cut the conversation short.

Oh come on it’s not that bad, ya old geezer. Ha ha.

Being dismissive of, or generalizing, a man's struggles may invalidate the man and cut the conversation short.

<div>Asking open questions like these are a great way to initiate a deeper conversation.<ul><li>How are you feeling today?</li><li>What’s on your mind? </li></ul></div>

Eh, I was just trying to get the front gate fixed.

Racing to solutions prevents us from engaging more deeply with this man's struggles. Being dismissive of a man’s struggles may invalidate the man and cut the conversation short.

You aren’t a spring chicken anymore. Gotta take it easy.

Racing to solutions prevents us from engaging more deeply with this man's struggles.

Acknowledging how a man is feeling and asking deeper questions may help him explore his feelings.

That’s gotta suck. It sounds like it’s really getting to you?

A bit of humour can be welcome. But let's keep helping this man open up.

Listening and normalizing a man's struggles can make him feel safe in opening up and helps validate his feelings.

It makes a lot of sense that you feel this way.

Encouraging a man to come up with his own solutions is a great step in encouraging action.

Any thoughts on how you might deal with it?

Dismissing how a man feels will likely make him shut down and make him feel invalidated.

Well there's no place for regrets in life.

Avoid jumping to solutions. Ask questions to open up the conversation.

What if we got you some help around the house?

I’d sure like to be able to help out around here.

Encouraging action and offering practical support may be essential in helping a man take meaningful action.

Well, maybe we can brainstorm some things together.

He may need some practical support in taking action.

It's not your role to tell him what to do.

Or you could just relax and enjoy retirement.

Be good to make yourself useful, for once.

Listening to his jokes, keeping things light, and having a laugh is a great way to connect.

That’s just about enough out of you! haha.

He's having some fun. He doesn't have to take this all seriously. Don't be quick to take offence.

Use the ALEC skills to respond: